I Love My Wife

Happy Valentine's Day! Four years ago I asked my wife to marry me and the crazy part is that she said "yes!" God's grace is real because of the amazing gift of my wife, Cassidy.

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

 Here are 10 reasons I love my wife Cassidy!

1) She is an awesome wife - Cassidy grows more beautiful inside and out the longer we are married. She is the greatest partner and companion to me. She balances me in my weaknesses and spurs me to become more like Jesus in our marriage and life.

2) She is patient - For those that know me, this is a big one! Her patience with me and others reveals her heart to show the love of Christ.

3) She is kind - I'm grateful for the kindness she pours out on those who need encouragement. Her kindness is attractive to those who need the love of God.

4) She has my back - I'm thankful for her commitment to me and support. She breathes life into me, especially when I am struggling.

5) She is peaceful - I'm grateful for a wife that does not live off of drama but seeks peace and forgiveness.

6) She is grateful - Cassidy is grateful for even the little things. She makes the most of every situation (ex:financial, circumstances)

7) She is a committed friend - She is my best friend. She knows me inside and out and unconditionally loves me. She is a great friend to others and has compassion on others.

8) She will be a fantastic mom - Cassidy is great with children. Her loving heart will be a blessing to our children.

9) She is faithful to God - Cassidy is focused upon bringing God glory in life. She is committed to using her gifts to see Him glorified. Her music is glorifying to God and is a ministry of the gospel. Her faithfulness will matter in eternity!

10) She is forgiving - Cassidy does not hold grudges very long. She is quick to forgive and love people. She wants peace, joy and love in all areas of life. I'm grateful that she extends forgiveness to me.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;  but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

This is only 10 of the thousands of reasons I love my wife!

What are you grateful for in your marriage relationship?

Relationships > Programs

#6: Relationships > Programs. When I began student ministry I had ideas but many times they were just that, ideas! In any ministry context there are certain aspects that require programming. Setting up a scheduled time to worship, train leaders and have events. What I learned is that people hunger for relationship. More importantly, a relationship with Jesus Christ. My understanding of student ministry was to make sure all of my plans, schedule and program was spotless. My mentality was based on what I perceived from other ministries, conferences, books and blogs. What I easily missed was building relationships with the students. I missed the very people because I was busy establishing a "program." As a leader in ministry, our desire should be to meet people at their point of need with the love of Christ. Programs are simply a facilitator to gospel-centered relationships. The program is simply a tool. The only way to make a lasting impact on a person is to build a relationship that is based on how Jesus build relationships. He built relationships with those who the culture deemed "invisible." Jesus applied grace to those who followed Him because He knew who they would become was more important than their current identity. I don't remember Jesus counting the disciples? Jesus was invested in the relationship more than their performance. 

I have missed this principle many times. I remember trying to apply the same approach to each student expecting the same results. The key is building a relationship that builds a bridge to their soul. Everyone is different but they all have the same needs: Salvation, love, acceptance, belonging, grace, encouragement, hope and trust (to name a few).

Know what is happening in their lives. In order to lead people, we must get to know each person's personality and background. What might work for one student, might not work for another due to their expectations. I have come back to this same principle now over seven years later. Why do some students lose their passion? What do we do when students lose heart because of unwise decisions that keep them captive?

Relationship matters more than church attendance and their performance. I have missed this principle many times in ministry. We have high standards for our students because we love them. What we have to realize is that our love for them must be filled with grace. Challenge them, but not always. Pray for them.

If our "programs" have good numbers but the students are not growing in their relationships have we missed it? The same applies in other areas of the church:

• If the gospel is only shared during the sermon, the church is missing the point of evangelism.
• If the Bible is only read in the sermon or small groups, the church has missed the point of spiritual growth.
• If the only time we pray is at dinner, we have missed the point of relationship with God.

God is not impressed with our slick programs, funny videos and current worship songs. God wants us to be a bridge in order to extend His redemption story into their lives. I pray our relationship with God will overflow into the hearts of those we serve. Let it be more about the relationship with others than the performance of a program.

Is it more about the program or relationship? What are your thoughts? 

Expectation Management

#5: be clear about expectations. We all have expectations. We expect our food to be prepared at a fast food restaurant to be...fast. We have expectations about other people, whether they know it or not. Most of our expectations come from our upbringing, circumstances and memories. People who have been hurt in the past will have certain expectations towards those in the future. The same is true for those who have had everything on a "silver plate." Expectations come with every human being. The key is communicating, understanding and responding to expectations! Ask every married person and they will tell you that they entered their marriage with expectations. Usually people do not even realize their expectations until they are uncovered through being stretched in the relationship. In the same way, when I first entered ministry, I had expectations. Some expectations I knew I had and others were uncovered. What many of those in ministry face right out of Bible college or seminary is the lack of understanding of church ministry.

For example, One young guy wants a church to start his ministry. He has high expectations of a mentoring relationship with his new boss and staff. What he doesn't realize is there are unclear expectations of his job. He just wants to love God and love students. He takes the job without asking questions about philosophy of ministry, financials, expectations of church and their directions. But what he quickly realizes is that the church runs more like a business than a ministry (nothing like summer camp!). He becomes overcome with the stress of measuring up to everyone. He loses interest over time in taking time with each student because he needs to make sure everyone is counted. He begins to look back and wonder where his passion left that he had back when he was a camp counselor? So he is left wondering why it is not at all what he expected?

Expect pastors and staff to be human. In other words, they are not perfect! I know this is not a life changing statement, but many forget this in ministry. They will let you down, upset you and make decisions you do not agree with. Most struggles in ministry arise out of expecting other people to be a certain way we design in our minds. Grace must fit into our relationship with those we work and serve alongside. Why? Because I hope they will return the favor to me because I will always need it when I make mistakes.

Expect grace to be enough. People will hurt you. It is simple as that. Some will stick with you and support you and others will not. We have two choices. We make our career about "our" ministry or about the ministry of the gospel. Apply grace liberally. Peace comes when we decide that we are living for an audience of one. Life is too short to try to make everyone happy. But if we are striving after Christ, we will honor and encourage those we minister too.

Expect God to provide. Financial needs arise, especially for those of us in youth ministry. Long hours with unclear expectations from multiple parents can consume us. The pain of seeing people reject the gospel or make harmful decisions to themselves can be overwhelming. What many do not understand is that with the stress of ministry, usually the financial stress at home only compounds the pressure. Is it easy? Not always. But every time I have had need, God has provided.

Expect that God is never done with you. God will finish the work He wants us to finish. Keep your eyes focused upon what is most important. Make disciples!

"...That he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

What expectations did you have when you entered ministry? How do you manage those expectations?