"Deadbolt" Short film on Defeating Porn

Justin, my younger brother and his friends have done an excellent job making videos! It highlights the enemies plan to destroy us through addiction to pornography. Using the avenue of media to communicate is one of the best ways to reach our world for Christ. Here is the short film's description:

  3 other classmates and I were assigned to shoot and edit a 5 minute movie within 36 hours. This short metaphorical film deals with a guy who is introduced to the world of porn. The door to his mind... is unlocked. After giving in to his flesh, becoming destroyed and broken - he goes to a fellow brother for accountability. The everyday war against lust begins with his brother beside him, ready for battle.

Defeating Two types of Porn

I'm stepping out into new territory into the land of controversy. I've written about visual pornography in a post titled, "How to defeat pornography." Most everyone would agree that visual pornography is a serious issue in today's culture. Today, I'm going to bring up another aspect of pornography. The emotional type. I ask you to have an open mind and think through the implications of both types of pornography. Two types of pornography:

Visual Porn (fantasizing for sexual fulfillment). Physical or visual pornography are setting up relationships to struggle and possibly fail. Why? Because physical porn places unrealistic expectations and twisted, satanic perversion upon others. Without knowing it, many men apply what they have seen to their wives and the result is a damaged marriage and sometimes divorce. To read more about defeating visual pornography, go here.

Emotional Pornography  (fantasizing for emotional fulfillment): Yes, I said it. We talk a lot about physical or visual porn, what about the mind and heart? The obsession of romance is overabundant in today's culture. Love is defined as fantasy driven. The perfect guy makes the girl happy at any cost no matter how the girl acts. Emotional porn craves any emotional high from a movie or experience.

For example, most of the biggest box office movies are chick flicks. If you notice, most of the movies involve premarital sex as "love" and portray a perfectly "in tune with the emotions" guy who comes and saves the day. Now, there are some good ones out there but a majority are simply emotional porn. Twilight is a good example of love gone wrong. I do not understand the lure of a vampire or a werewolf being attractive or romantic? One wants to drink your blood and the other will eat you? How is that sweet and romantic? ( ; Now, I am stepping into dangerous territory by having this opinion. What happens when women place unrealistic expectations and twisted "stalker like" passion over a movie character or book novel? It can affect the relationship with a spouse. It creates a frustration of perfection and comparison.

Emotional porn sets up relationships to struggle and possibly fail. Why? Because emotions play a vital role in a relationship. If you are like me, if I watch a show, my emotions easily lead me astray. The person who is guilty is portrayed as "right" in the situation. Without knowing it, I'm cheering for the person who has committed the crime!  Love is about commitment to the long haul, not momentary emotions and feelings!

 Here is my question. If visual porn is obviously damaging and perverted, then why is it acceptable for women to fantasize and make sexual comments about a movie character, athlete or book novel? Have we made the statement, "I wish my husband was like this guy!" Ladies, instead of nagging and beating him down, affirm the positive in his life. Let him know that you are committed to him and be grateful for what he does instead of comparing him to an unrealistic movie or novel. Encouragement will create more of a desire to be romantic and pursue the relationship!

The most important aspect of a marriage relationship is to be trustworthy, loyal and committed. What I am not saying is that a movie, book or mistake is what will damage a relationship forever. But, a continual filling of emotional or physical porn is the goal of Satan to destroy your marriage and mine by creating unrealistic expectations. Jesus is the only way that we can "complete" us. Fulfillment and purpose is built on the foundation of a growing relationship with Christ. Marriage is God's idea. It is a journey to learn to study each other and become experts at showing love and commitment to each other. Let's stand firm on not letting anything or anyone take the place of the covenant marriage relationship.

What are your thoughts? Is visual porn and emotional porn both worthy of discussing? I'd like to hear from you! 

Stop the Drama - Part 3

(a blog series on stopping the drama through living through the power of Christ’s forgiveness in relationships).

First, we found in the last few posts we found that we are part of the drama. Second, When it comes to drama, we cannot live with continual conflict between relationships and honor God. Drama is usually started with a desire to be right and make others look wrong. The fastest way to start drama is to gossip. 

What is gossip? It can also be defined as talk or writing about another person or situation with desire or intention to hurt them. Gossip can be the truth or a lie. Gossip literally means, "to whisper."

Why do people gossip?

- Pride (building yourself up while making others look bad) - Bitterness, anger (“vent” to make themselves feel better) - Lower self-esteem - Jealousy - Influence of peers - Must "be-in-the-know"

How to stop the drama? 

(3) Talk to the person and quit talking about the person. If families simply followed this statement, there would be more harmony and love.  Gossip betrays relationships. If they talk about others, they probably talk about you. Proverbs 18:8 says, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." Gossip reveals the true nature of a person’s heart. If you have a barrier between you and another person, quit talking about them and go talk to them about it.

Parents, either you Influence your children to stop drama or start drama. If you stand by and allow one person to slander another, are you guilty just as well? Character assassination happens when slander is accepted. We will all at certain times be hurt deeply by others, even close friends. If you do not learn to answer the bitterness with forgiveness it can take over your life! We live in a world that celebrates tearing down others to make yourself look good. Are we teaching this verse in the home, “Love keeps no record of wrongs” 1 Corinthians 13:5. Forgiveness forgets but bitterness keeps a detailed list.

Matthew 18, 6:14-15, and Luke 6:45 are one of the most ignored scriptures in all of the Bible.

Jesus said," “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses." Matthew 18:15-16

 Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" Matthew 6:14,15.

Jesus said, "A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." Luke 6:45 (NLT)

A lot of drama would be resolved if we simply obeyed Jesus.Without forgiveness it leads to a cycle of revenge that consumes our lives. Gossip is the enemy of building trust in relationships.

Overall, our goal should be to be peacemakers. Hebrews 12:14-15, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵ See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”