Setting up People to Succeed

#9: I remember first talking with one of my professors in college about class and a project. After a few conversations I realized that I wanted him to mentor me outside of the classroom. I was not sure how that really worked but I remember beginning the process of being mentored. Throughout my last two years in college we met on a weekly basis where he spent time asking me the hard questions about my thought life, struggles, relationships and relationship with God. Because of the time I was poured into, it showed me how I should lead others. In order to set up other people to succeed, I must:

Answer the hard questions for myself: If I am not willing to dig deep and unroot the bitterness, hurts and discouragement, how can I lead others to do the same? I learned early in ministry from my family and mentors to not conceal matters but deal with them. If we will be willing to

Master the art of the question: Learn to ask more questions and quit giving cheap answers. Leadership is all about pulling out the greatness in others. People will never grow until we allow them the chance to answer for themselves. Once they own it, they will be a leader.

Learn to dig up the root cause: For every behavior, there is a root cause. We spend too much time with behavioral management. We need to look at the heart. Listen to others with the heart and not just for results. Lead people through how to forgive and resolve conflict. Life is too short to be angry, bitter and resentful towards others.

Focus more on God than our abilities: God doesn't look at us with negativity but with passion. God wants to use you and me for His purposes. Give people opportunities to find out more about their strengths and encourage them in it. Focus upon who they are becoming instead of their past history.

Set people loose to succeed: Give away the ministry! Learn to move yourself out of the spotlight and celebrate when others succeed. One of the hardest lessons in leadership is to allow others to be praised instead of yourself.

What would you add to this list? How do you help develop others to succeed? 

What Every Leader Needs #8: Be Mentored

*A blog series on what every leader needs to be effective in serving Christ* Mentor and be mentored. It is a word that we use in leadership talks, training and in books.  No matter our age or experience we all need a mentor that will speak into our lives and help us become better leaders. The need for mentoring is key for a leader to develop. Every leader needs someone to look up to and emulate. Mentoring begins with a trusting relationship between two people. Leaders should continually mentor and be mentored so that they maintain humility and accountability. No leader should ever get to a point in their life that they say, "I don't need a mentor, I will just mentor others because of how much I know!" We always have more to learn! In order to be mentored, one must be humble.

You will at some point need to ask the mentor if they will help you grow as a person and as a leader. John Maxwell says, “You develop credibility with people when you connect with them and show that you genuinely want to help them"(21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership). Jesus exemplified the life of a mentor by pouring into the disciples throughout his ministry. Today’s culture is in need of mentoring that will speak the truth to the difficult situations people face on a daily basis. Building a trusting relationship is important in teaching and practicing mentoring. Unless a mentor has built trust into the relationship, the growth will become stagnate.

The one being mentored must be teachable, humble and be moldable. The mentor must be encouraging, trustworthy and help motivate. Mentoring is a lifestyle of teaching others to grow in their relationship with Christ. Mentors become experts at asking the right questions to draw out the best in the person that is being mentored. Relationships are at the core of mentoring and without it there is no connection at the heart level. People in today’s culture miss out on connecting at the heart level. Mentors need to take the initiative and influence others for Christ. Jesus spent His time with the disciples and multitudes, but spent a majority of time mentoring the disciples at the heart level.

People are looking for a leader who will set an example by living an authentic lifestyle for God. Being authentic must come out of a desire to confide in and be transparent with a trusted mentor.  A mentor must teach and model the truth. Jesus is the definition of truth and through the relationship with the disciples; they became leaders who would change the world with the gospel. Through the disciples making mistakes, Jesus used every chance to help focus them upon learning to become better leaders.

What about you? Do you have a Paul and Timothy in your life? How important is mentoring in leadership?

The Missing Links in Student Ministry

For the past 5 or so years I've had the privilege to be in student ministry. I have learned a lot since I jumped into ministry.

I thought I'd share a few missing links that I wish I knew when I started in ministry.

- Expectations - I am learning to not have expectations. I know it sounds bad. I have learned to appreciate each staff I have worked with and appreciate their differences and personality. God has worked in my life to pray for and encourage those I serve alongside with in ministry. Life is too short to hold grudges or be critical of fellow ministers!

- Relationship-driven ministry BEATS Event-driven ministry every time - My tendency is to plan my calendar to be packed full of events. I have learned that having a packed calendar does not mean that I'm filling students spiritually. The "American Dream" of student ministry is to keep the students "motivated" from one event to another. My prayer is that students will learn that God's Word is ENOUGH for them to grow spiritually. Events help in this process but are not the goal. Events can not build relationships and keep students strengthened through the "roller coaster" school years.

- Focus on the students who want to become leaders. I spent a lot of time trying to convince/motivate/almost beg students (and parents) who did now want to surrender and follow Christ. I'm not talking about students who are un-churched, but the ones who are members. I find that the hardest people to lead are the ones who have been in church their entire lives and have become "numb" to the movement of God. Jesus set an example of investing in 12 disciples (only 11 graduated) and spent a majority of his time with Peter, James, and John. I've learned that I can speak and pray for students to follow Jesus, but at the end of the day they are going to have to make the decision! Disciple and train students to reach their friends and families for Christ and then SET THEM LOOSE!

- Encourage and Equip Parents - Parents are one of the missing links in student ministries in the past 10 years. At first I thought parents needed to "get with it!" Now I realize more and more that they are the main spiritual influences in their student's lives. An ongoing issue that I deal with are parents who allow their 12-16 year old student  date whomever their student decides is "cute." Parents need to set boundaries when it comes to relationships, media, and friends! If they do not set biblical convictions in the home, most of the time what message series we are talking about will not sink into their hearts.

- Mentoring - Relationships are the key component for students to learn how to live for Christ. I am changing up my plans to fit more students into my schedule. I plan on taking students with me when I go places. Simple steps to build relationships make an impact. Mentors in my life always spent time listening to my problems, needs, prayer requests and more. I pray that I can do a better job at this in the future.

- Quality time with Cassidy - Ministry can be draining. Setting times to unwind and just talk to one another is a priority in our marriage. I have learned through experience that I must plan to make time for my wife or ministry will plan it for me. It is easy to "spiritualize" and spend all my time working and talking about ministry. The problem is that my main calling is to lead my family spiritually! If that fails, then it is a domino effect on ministry. My prayer is that I will do a better job of loving my wife (like Christ loves the church) and serving God together!