How to Defeat Pornography

“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more." Ephesians 4:19

Pornography. It is a significant problem in today's culture, but many people shy away from talking about it. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. An "industry" that takes advantage of even young girls is a part of this sick, twisted lifestyle. In our media saturated culture, students are at finger tip accessibility to thousands of websites.

Pornography is more accessible than ever before. Before it was only found in magazines. Now, it is easily accessible by cell phones, iPods, and iPads. Mobile tools are being used more than the family computer. Pornography is a fast-paced train picking up steam. Statistics show that it is becoming more out of control. In every past civilization that has failed, sexual sin was one of the main reasons for their demise. "Sexting" is the newest form of pornography. People will send pictures and live video of each other through their cell phones and computers. Girls are sending inappropriate pictures to guys many times because they want attention. Guys are manipulating girls and taking advantage of them for their own sick pleasure. Video games are becoming more and more saturated with pornography. Parents need to be aware of the types of games their students are playing because some of the "M" rated games have traces of porn. Social networking is even becoming more saturated with porn every day.

Sexual perversion is the reason that pornography is demoralizing our culture. Lust and an appetite for more is at the heart of our sinful nature. Men and women are captured in this lifestyle. Pornography desensitizes a person to look at another person to fulfill their sexual appetite and perversion.

How do parents help their students win the battle of pornography?

- Talk to each other about it. I'm amazed at the amount of parents who are afraid to talk about sex, pornography and choices with their children. Trust me, if we are not teaching them a healthy view then they will get an unhealthy view from someone else. Help them understand that our eyes can be the doorway to our heart and because of that we must guard our eyes. When you talk to them about it, never shame or yell at them over it. Use it as a teaching moment and to create a healthy bond to talk about overcoming pornography. It is crucial for the Father to talk to their son about it and the Mother talk to the daughter about it. This will help with the "awkwardness" that will come up. Many students are deceived into thinking that their immorality now won’t cost them later. Here are three verses that we should memorize and meditate upon daily:

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 (NLT)

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. 2 Timothy 2:22 (NLT)

“I made a covenant with my eyes to not look lustfully at a girl.” Job 31:1

- Set clear boundaries. One obvious boundary is to not allow your student to have a computer in their bedroom. Let them know that when we look at any unhealthy sexual image, your mind takes a picture of it and stores it in your brain for the rest of your life. The more of these images you allow yourself to see, the more pictures your brain will store away. What you and I see affects how we think and how we will act. Another important boundary is internet access on their mobile phone. I'm amazed at how many parents refuse to admit their child will struggle with it. I encourage you to set boundaries that will protect and encourage them to be pure.

- Keep each other accountable. In order to be accountable, we have to be honest. If a person is struggling with a porn addiction, they need to talk to a friend about it. I'm always trying to find practical resources to help with accountability. Here are my top two resources for defeating pornography addiction.

Covenant eyes. Covenant Eyes offers an internet browser for the iPhone,  iPod touch, and iPad.

Cost is: $8.99 per month for accountability (you choose who your internet report is sent to) and filtering is $4.99 per month. For each additional user is $2.00 per month on accountability and $1.50 for filtering.

X3 watch. It is an accountability tool put out by XXXchurch. It is only $7 per month and is similar to Covenant eyes.

"X3watch is a free accountability software program helping with online integrity. Whenever you access a website that contains inappropriate or pornographic material, the program will record the website, time, and date the site was visited. A person of your choice (an accountability partner) will receive an email containing all inappropriate sites you have visited that week."

In order to defeat the addiction to pornography, drastic measures have to be taken. You cannot simply pray about it and expect immediate change, especially for people who are addicted. When I was a teenager I looked at porn and then began to struggle with it for a few months. Through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I found freedom when I confessed it to God and went to my parents and brothers. I memorized scripture based on this area of my life and through accountability and the power of Jesus, I have been pure. It must be a continual battle and fight! We need to be passionate about surrendering any area of our life to Jesus.

I encourage you to talk to a trusted friend or parent, set clear boundaries and be accountable. Only through the power of Christ can we be pure in today's culture. Wisdom and accountability is needed to be pure in our culture.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16

Are we ignoring the elephant in the room? Do we really think that our own students and children are not struggling with the temptation of pornography?

Hot Date Night

Date night! I remember date night in college when I would take my future wife, Cassidy out on a date. I would try to come up with interesting questions to ask and do my best to plan out every detail to ensure she felt special. I'd try to dress nice and wear some cologne.

Now, after three years of marriage I am not as detailed on dating as I once was. The tendency in marriage is the longer you are married, the quicker we lose the importance of pursuing our spouse. One of the jokes I hear from older couples is that they do not date as much because they "already won over" their spouse!

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD." Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)

What we have to realize is that a relationship needs pursuit! Marriage is God's first institution. If the marriage fails it affects generations. In today's culture more students are growing up in broken homes than ever before. The hurting marriages are affected in the church just as much as in society. More than anything, students want a meaningful relationship with their parents.

In our marriage, we try our best to date each other a priority! We spend a majority of our time trying to invest in others. In ministry, we have to make it a priority to pursue and have fun together. What better way than be spontaneous and go have fun on a date.

One way we are trying to make marriage a priority at our church is to provide a special night out for couples. Many times, we become so busy with life the first relationships that suffer is God and our spouse. We are having a special date night this Friday night. Free childcare is provided and we are encouraging parents to go and spend a great night together. We have a great resource from MarriedLife Online that we are using. It is called "We Marriage" and follows a Wii themed date night.

The goal is to help marriages grow closer together with each other and Christ! If you are married, pursue each other and go out on a hot date!

Disciples who Make Disciples

Discipleship is a term we throw around in church. If you have spent any time at church, you have heard someone mention that we need more discipleship! The question is, what is biblical discipleship? Is it simply a class, a small group or a program? Is it something more? The goal of discipleship is to become like Jesus (aka: sanctification). But many miss what discipleship really means because of their own definition.

Two extremes in understanding discipleship:

 Intellectual Bible Nerds: All they want to do is go "deeper" in knowledge (modern day pharisees). The tendency is to sit around a cup of coffee and debate for hours about the eschatological understandings of church history. Their superior "knowledge" puffs them up. I went to Bible college with some people in this category. The same people who would debate theology for hours would sleep in on Sundays and wouldn't serve at a local church. The danger arises when they completely miss a deeper commitment to reaching out to a lost with the gospel.

Lazy Bible Illiterates: All they want to do is hang out and talk about their problems, issues and "prayer requests" (aka gossip). The tendency is to discount personal Bible study because they are too busy serving others. They discount the importance of studying and knowing their Bible. This person will rarely teach the Bible but use books about the Bible. They think the Bible has lost its relevance and is too hard to understand. The danger arises when they completely miss that in order to become like Christ, you must know His Word.

The biblical model of discipleship is much more than these extreme examples. Jesus calls us to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20) and love one another (Matthew 22:37-40). A disciple is one who makes disciples. It is the deep love for God's Word AND people. A disciple is transformed by Jesus through salvation and grows daily to make more disciples. The motivation is to know God's Word because you want to know God! The growth of the relationship with God will then pour out. It will pour out in small decisions and in every relationship. The Holy Spirit will give strength to help make disciples. Instead of being a reservoir of knowledge, we need to be a river of hope to this world. We are the channel to be used by God to reach out to a lost and broken world. Disciples who make disciples get messy. Let's roll up our sleeves and go deeper in our love for God's Word and for people.